Chronicles of Ancient Alien/

PARODY - ANCIENT ALIEN - Gonna go vaycay on a fair planet with one of my abd… BORROWED PPL who got viciously poisoned by a future dead man




Something horrible happened, so your notorious ancient alien is going to take a brief vacation.

I don’t want it but I have to, as I have to help somebody and it will cost me additional resources to do it right.

The other day ( Tuesday I believe) my hybrid child noticed that I am having some major issues with the interface and suggested me to take a painkiller and rest. I did so but it served no purpose, the odd feeling continue unchanged.

Suddenly an alarm went off like crazy, indicating that one of my human subjects is getting - poisoned.

Just to make it clear, many of my abd.. borrowed folk suffer natural illnesses and I can not make them immortal, so they face the death when their time comes.

I can not avoid it, so as I am empath I sunk with them down to a far end of a void and escort them to another side enduring the destructive horror of their earthly matter - BUT - if I can do something about it, yes, I will do it.

I attached myself to a frame and to my horror realized that an individual has been really severely poisoned.

To my surprise he seemed to be intoxicated by something that looked to me like an animal toxic agent. Most commonly this is some sort of a spider. But a quantity was abnormal.

To him this meant certain death or very severe physical consequences, depending how fast he can reach the hospital and if they even can diagnose him correctly.

For me in case I go for it meant I will get some serious stick while saving his ass.

I chose option B and went in with my system on maximum. I drained all the crap out of his bloodstream and filter it through my own. Under a minute my whole body immediately fell into a toxic shock.

My temperature fell under 35 -34 Celsius putting me into a near hibernation state which is not at all that comfy as I do not want to wake up the next day in the hospital attached on the machines with doctors “ trying to save me” (lol).

I got thirsty like a desert, I almost drowned drinking water and lost my feet running to the bathroom to get rid of it.

My nervous centers induced forced breathing and massive energy consumption to get rid of an unwanted matter. My internal organs overheated by excessive metabolic reactions and I had a constant feeling that I will die- but after an hour the thing stopped.

I am exhausted, overly hungry and I will need about a week to drain the rest of that toxic shit safely and without any harm out of his tissues and organs. There is no freaking way that amount of crap got inside of him by natural means.

There is a reason why I am immune on poisons, but let’s not talk now about it. AND!!! - when I find a bastard who done that to him I will show him that reason, trust me I have some nasty shit on me that would make the Devil and his mother cringe and scream in terror.

Now, excuse me I have to straighten my tentacles, put my uber UFO in function and take poor fellow to some place nice and happy.

Cheers Homo Sapient family, see you some time in a very near future!
~ Ancient Alien